Unhelpful Ways You Might Be Handling Conflict

Even though conflict is unavoidable, so many of us are unprepared. Sure, we’re prepared to get defensive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, or close-minded. But those are unhelpful ways to deal with strife and disagreement. A far more productive way to manage the inevitability of conflict is to assess one’s conflict resolution skills. Accept the realities of conflict and take active steps to handle it with clarity and maturity. This is easier said than done but certainly not impossible. 

With all this in mind, let’s move forward into an exploration of some time-proven approaches. With patience and curiosity, moments of discord can be powerful opportunities to learn and grow. 

 

A Few Unhelpful Ways You Might Be Handling Conflict

Lack of Emotional Regulation

This is quite often the ultimate negative catalyst. Going from 0 to 60, in terms of emotions, serves no one well. It manifests in ways like:

• Focusing on the person rather than the point of contention
• Disrespect
• Unwillingness to listen
• Negative, even threatening body language and vocal tone
• The use of “you” statements

Being Indirect

We may think it best to be indirect when arguing with a loved one. But this typically allows problems and resentment to fester. It also opens the door to passive-aggressive tactics like eye rolling, sarcasm, etc. With practice (and help from a therapist), you can develop the skills needed to be direct without being disrespectful.

Poor Listening Skills

Conflicts can be soothed if both parties remain curious. Active listening empowers you to better understand someone else’s viewpoint. Remember, you can grasp a person’s meaning even when you disagree. 

Competing

The goal isn’t to win. If you handle a quarrel with the aim of healthy conflict resolution, you dramatically decrease the chances of long-term grudges.

Not Acknowledging Where You Agree

Rarely, if ever, is a dispute black-and-white. Seek ways to comprehend where you agree. This approach will diffuse antipathy by highlighting that agreement is more than possible. 

An Unwillingness to Hold Oneself Accountable 

Pride can take hold of anyone and derail their best intentions. You see, even when you’re sure you’ve been wronged, you may have to take responsibility for your role. It could be related to the issue at hand; it could instead be related to how you handled it. Make the effort to analyze your own behaviors and be ready to apologize when necessary.

Not Letting Go

Many times, everyone involved needs a break in order to keep things productive. Stepping away to reassess and regroup is not the same as “surrender” (there goes pride again). Taking some time and space can be the ideal way to diffuse drama. Two important caveats:

• Let them know you need a break for you take such a break
• In cases where another person is acting aggressively or abusive, you have every right to walk away

Conflict Resolution is a Learned Skill

If you feel your way of handling conflict is not helpful, here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Everyone sees things through their own conditioning and perspective
• Clinging to a belief can be a limiting choice
• You can hold multiple viewpoints at the same time
• You can learn so much when you’re willing to listen with curiosity 
• Even if you disagree with someone, you can show them empathy and compassion 
• We’re all wrong at least as often as we are right

Like any skill, it can be taught and it can be learned. Therefore, if conflict has become an obstacle in your life, you can resolve this issue — with some help. An experienced therapist is uniquely positioned to guide you on a journey of learning and healing. Reach out today to schedule a consultation if you believe you need help with conflict and learning healthy conflict resolution.