Society has invented many qualities of what makes an ideal man, and being a good communicator is not near the top of the list. Instead, we, as men, are conditioned to believe that our only valid means of self-expression is through anger, aggression, or playing the dominant alpha male role.

We’re taught to be strong, decisive, and powerful: characteristics that often seem at odds with being open and vulnerable. And not being able to resolve these issues on our own—let alone, seeking the help of a therapist—contributes to the pervasive stigma around mental health. 

Expressing “soft” emotions like sadness, fear, and anxiety are seen as signs of weakness or as a lack of self-control. Because of this, we can grow up to find it extremely difficult to navigate the terrain of direct emotional communication, resulting in ongoing relationship issues that create obstacles in our lives.

The socialization of boys does not include many avenues for self-exploration, identifying feelings, and understanding the root of our emotional experiences.

Regardless of gender, we’re all heavily influenced by the relationship patterns we observed in our families. And if our working model for partnerships is ultimately dysfunctional, we will inevitably carry over the same foibles and maladaptive techniques that we internalized at a young age. 

Yet the truth is that all relationships have their own unique problems, and counseling is precisely the vehicle for finding their solutions. 

When aspects of your intimate relationship cause you to be unsatisfied with your life, stepping out on your partner can seem like a quick fix or a chance to explore another side of yourself.

It could be that you started an affair or cheated on your partner. Or perhaps you’re the one in the relationship struggling with feelings of betrayal after infidelity and wondering if you’re capable of trusting again.

You’re likely thinking that if you could just feel acknowledged and respected by your significant other, then your relationship problems would solve themselves.

Perhaps you’re already in couples counseling with your partner but looking for individual therapy sessions to help you express your needs and perspective more effectively.

Though you may not know where to begin in developing a vocabulary to convey your needs, relationship counseling offers you an opportunity to reconnect with your emotions and learn how to communicate them. 

Between daily stressors and the buildup of relationship issues, it’s likely that you don’t have many opportunities to step back, evaluate your circumstances with clarity, and understand the underlying factors impacting your experience.

Therapy offers you a platform for this kind of emotional exploration while providing you with the unbiased, outside perspective of a professional. Because each person comes to counseling with their own unique history and experiences with relationships, I tailor therapy to meet your needs based on what self-limiting beliefs you arrive with.

These beliefs were likely developed in childhood or adolescence and often drive certain behaviors and tendencies, including relationship conflict, substance abuse, anger, infidelity, and porn use among others.

When we can get to the core of where those patterns originated, you’ll be clearer on your needs and stress responses. 

Throughout counseling, you’ll gain clarity about what is getting in your way and what you can do about it. As we examine your core beliefs, we’ll develop a better understanding of your automatic responses to distress or conflict, so that you can have a better emotional awareness of your triggers.

In addition, you’ll be challenged to consider your partner’s viewpoint as I break down your relationship issues and offer a different perspective—especially in cases of infidelity.

For over a decade, I have seen men and women alike struggle in their relationships. I’ve helped a lot of guys work out concerns about their partnership as they develop a stronger understanding of their experiences.

Using both control-mastery theory and cognitive-behavioral techniques, you will develop a thorough understanding of how your early experiences impacted you and how the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors generated from negative self-beliefs have hindered your relational development.

In addition, mindfulness strategies will keep you present in your experience so that you can more accurately identify and respond to your feelings.

Ultimately, counseling will empower you to change your relationship with your emotions so that you can more effectively advocate for yourself. 

I am confident that the skills and insights you gain in counseling will not only inform the relationship with your significant other but also improve the relationship you have with yourself and those around you.