Open Relationships: How to Navigate Challenges

It’s one of society’s best-kept secrets that a bare minimum of 5 percent of couples are non-monogamous. In fact, due to secrecy, that number almost certainly much higher. After all, how many folks talk openly about open relationships? Such choices come in a wide range of varieties but we’ll get to that soon. For now, step one is to recognize how common non-monogamy is.

From there, it is essential that the people in such arrangements take the potential pitfalls seriously. There are far fewer resources available for non-traditional relationship thus, it requires more effort and diligent to stay on top of things. Let’s get started on making it happen.

For starters, have you decided and defined what it is you’re all doing? Consensual non-monogamy is the overall term but how you act on it is entirely up to you. Concepts like “polyamory” and “open relationship” have literal meanings. So, get familiar with what you want and how to articulate it to each other.

Are you looking to create committed bonds with multiple folks? Do you prefer to have a primary partner but sometimes have sex with other people? Only you and your partners can decide but this decision must be a collective effort. That is the healthy and honest foundation from which you can construct your open relationship.

Other factors to consider:

Full-Time Communication 

If you’re trying non-monogamy to have more sex, you may be surprised that the main thing you have more of is communication. These conversations can get intense but this is the only way to make certain everything is transparent. The moment you let something slide, it can start to feel like infidelity. Regular meetings are a must.

Practice Radical Honesty

Sure, it can get uncomfortable when you’re radically honest but it’s far better than the suffering that’s caused by deception. All the communication mentioned above must be done in a way that benefits everyone involved. 

Ditch the Scorecard

If you have a partner and decide to open up the relationship, resist the urge to compare or compete. Keeping score is a recipe for disaster. If you feel uncomfortable about anything related to quantity, that’s a topic for either of you to talk about with radical honesty.

If You Have Children, Prioritize Their Needs

No one’s child has volunteered to be raised in an environment of non-monogamy. Whatever decisions you make, be sure to weight the possible consequences on your kids. They deserve to be your priority. 

Replace Jealousy With Compersion

Perhaps the biggest obstacle in an open relationship is jealousy. To counter this natural tendency, couples are urged to explore an emotion called compersion. This word refers the pleasure someone can feel knowing that their partner is happy. Since this is easier said than done, jealousy is often ideally addressed in couples therapy. 

Non-Monogamy Will Not “Fix” Your Relationship  

This is a major red flag. A couple is unhappy so they choose non-monogamy as a way to make things better. Please do not do this. If you have problems, work on them first before introducing something as major as having an open relationship. 

Find a Therapist Who Understands  

Our societal norms look askance at anything but monogamy. Therefore, it’s wise to enter into anything different with patience and discernment. Look past the excitement of multiple sex partners and consider what is best for you and your partner’s well-being. Couples therapy is an ideal safe space for such discussions. 

If this lifestyle change is something you’d like to consider, I invite you to reach to talk. Let’s get you set up for a free and confidential consultation and begin exploring the steps you’ll need to take.