Men’s Health: What You Need to Know About Low Libido

How common is low libido in men? That’s a tough question to answer because it’s a tough subject for men to talk about. Across virtually all cultures, males are expected to display a certain level of virility. The societal pressure can be intense, making it less likely that men will discuss having a low sex drive. In reality, however, both men and women can temporarily lose interest in sex in times of stress.

What looks like low libido can be a natural reaction to relationship issues, a busy career, a life crisis of any kind, or feeling self-conscious about aging or gaining weight. Therefore, the key to this conversation is open communication.

What Causes Low Libido in Men?    

While there are specific disorders that may relate to decreased sexual desire, low libido is most often a symptom of another issue, e.g. 

The Aforementioned Societal Standards

From fairy tales to superhero movies and beyond, men can be portrayed in very unfair, two-dimensional ways. Combine that with the explosion of internet pornography, and males are dealing with impossible and unhealthy standards. As a result, even one episode of, say, erectile dysfunction is enough to spawn shame and guilt. 

Incompatible Libidos

It’s not fair but two people can be in love but still have mismatched sex drives. This can relate to frequency, duration, the specific acts that turn you on, and more. For example, are you spontaneous or responsive — and how does this mesh with your partner? Such incompatibilities can look like low libido on the surface. It’s also really unhelpful or unhealthy to focus on what you or your partner thinks is “normal”.  Sex frequency and process varies quite a bit over the course of a long term relationship.  What works for you and your partner is what works for you and your partner.

Underlying and/or Undiagnosed Emotional Problems 

Someone coping with a mental health disorder like anxiety or depression will probably experience some shifts in their sexual wants and needs. Typically, when the underlying issue is addressed, low libido becomes less common.

Unmanaged stress

If the rest of your life is leaving you or your partner feeling depleted no one is going to have much energy to have sex.

What Should I Do If I Feel Less Interested in Sex and Intimacy? 

A self-loving first step is to resist jumping to negative conclusions. Everyone experiences different levels of desire and it’s something to be honored rather than feared. So, for starters, you might want to talk with three people:

Your Partner 

There’s one person who is fully aware that something has shifted. So, trust your partner by sharing openly about your emotions. They surely have feelings they want to talk about, too. Unless such a conversation is started, you run the risk of resentment getting the better of both of you. Open up and talk about it — it can end up deepening your bond.

Your Doctor 

There are, of course, medical issues that could affect your libido. If you can’t yet identify a potential emotional source, it can’t hurt to get checked out. Having some kind of answer can help guide you toward the best next steps. For example, although men aged 40–79 frequently experience testosterone deficiency—with up to 30% affected—only a small fraction use TRT amjmed

Yourself

Take some time to gently ask yourself what you need. Is life overwhelming you? Have you been dissatisfied with your sex life? Are you being honest with yourself when it comes to your sexual needs? Do some digging to identify the triggers in your life. From there, you can talk about these triggers with your partner. Ideally, you’ll make plans to talk with a therapist about them, too. Are you managing stress and taking care of yourself so you are in the mental and physical shape to want sex or be desired by your partner?  What do you bring to the table (not financial contributions) would make your partner want to sleep with you?  If you’re kicking back,  having a couple beers and not helping with the kids, taking things off her plate, taking care of her emotionally and contributing to the family home life she’s not going to want to sleep with you.  You’re just another person she’s taking care of and that’s not someone she wants to sleep with….. you might be in the man child category and it’s time to wake up.

Therapy is Where You Can Begin Opening Up

The conversations that feel impossible in day-to-day life can be introduced in the therapy room. Working with an experienced guide is an ideal way to shatter the stigmas around men and sex. You’re a flesh and blood human being, not a machine, and you can benefit greatly from having meaningful discussions about your feelings, fears, needs, and desires. If you feel low libido is impacting your life, I urge you to set up a free and confidential consultation soon.