Blended Family Issues: Understanding the Challenges

An interesting blend of trends is facilitating an increase in blended (or step) families. The divorce rate in the U.S. regularly hovers around 50 percent. Hence, this is an ever-present pool of adults who may decide to remarry. About half the time, their second marriage involves one or both of the spouses already having children. All of this adds up to about 50 percent of Americans currently living with a biological parent and a stepparent.

On the surface, this may seem positive or even mundane. But, there’s more. 66 percent of second marriages that create blended families end in divorce. From sibling rivalries to stressful exes, there are many reasons why. Let’s take a closer look.

What Are Some Common Challenges for Blended Families?

It typically begins with the common challenges any family may face after a divorce or the death of a parent. Such a massive change can be traumatic and requires a long adjustment period. When a parent begins dating and seriously considering remarriage, some families can be triggered. In such an environment, any of the following challenges may emerge:

If one of the new spouses does not already have children, they are suddenly thrust into the position of stepparent
Marital strife over different parenting styles
The presence of exes can be disruptive and confusing
Working visitation plans into a busy blended family schedule is far from simple
The larger the family, the higher the bills and the more complicated the logistics
Step-sibling rivalries
For some kids, it’s hard to not judge this new person through the lens of the missing biological parent.
The new couple will need time and patience to figure out basics like childcare, hobbies, social life, and their own marriage
Holiday traditions
A maze of intersecting schedules, meal preferences, extracurricular events, interests, and more
Everyone involved can undergo an identity crisis

Since you cannot prepare for all the variations, it makes a lot of sense to focus on the basics to help lay a strong foundation.

How to Overcome Common Issues and Build Stronger Bonds in Your Blended Family

Communication

Every family member — regardless of age — must be made to feel comfortable and safe when expressing their emotions, needs, and concerns. Regular, non-negotiable family meetings can be an excellent start to get the entire family on board.

Structure

Do not wing it. Also, do not run your home with two sets of rules and norms. Each “side” in the blended family must learn to compromise when necessary. Set firm rules, be a role model, and lead by example. Issues can be addressed in those weekly meetings you’ve instituted.

Patience

No one will benefit from the added pressure that impatience can impose. Mistakes and obstacles are inevitable. Set reachable goals and don’t expect quick results.

Flexibility

What worked in your previous marriage probably won’t work now. You’ll need backup plans and open minds to form new routines, rhythms, and traditions. While things will get tense, it can be huge to take active steps to maximize the possibility of everyone having fun along the way, for example:

For meals, plan, shop, cook, eat, and clean up as a family
Plan day trips that give all family members something to look forward to
Movie nights or board games are reliable but you could introduce more interactive family fun like karaoke or a talent show!

Perhaps most of all, mutual support is the best way to connect and stay bonded. Stay actively involved with your children and step-children to foster teamwork, compassion, and love. If all of this sounds easier said than done, you’re not alone. No one expects you to have all the answers, so please consider reaching out soon to learn more.