A Man’s Guide to Healthy Emotional Expression

What do you think of when asked about male emotions? You might conjure up images of a guy screaming in joy when his favorite team wins a game. Conversely, this question may provoke a memory of a man screaming in anger if someone tries to steal their parking spot. But mostly, the image of male emotions might be a stoic poker face — the strong, silent type.

Of course, none of the above matches the title of this post. These are not good examples of healthy emotional expression. Our feelings are far more complex. A man, in particular, can deeply enrich his life by embracing all the nuances it has to offer.

What Are Emotions?

Part of the reason we have trouble expressing emotions could be because we can’t really define them. We can’t even agree when making a list of emotions! The original six were deemed to be happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise. Over time, experts and non-experts alike clamored to add feelings like pride, relief, guilt, shame, amusement, excitement, contentment, contempt, and embarrassment.

So, for the sake of this post, let’s define emotions as the complicated reactions we all have — all day long. While social protocols may call for us to keep these reactions on the down low, it’s most often suggested that we embrace and examine our emotions. However, it seems someone forgot to tell this to boys and men.

Why Men Hide Their Feelings

Needless to say, much can vary from person to person, but it’s not exactly controversial to declare that boys and men are discouraged from being overtly emotional. Meanwhile, under the facade, they are just as emotional as girls and women. It’s just that, starting in childhood, boys are taught that emotions are not manly.

Such a lesson doesn’t have to be a conscious effort. From pop culture to peer pressure, males are conditioned to display control of their pesky feelings. Unfortunately this emotional constriction leads a lot of us to be disconnected from ourselves in a way that sets a low ceiling for how much we can experience and accomplish in our lives and relationships. A low ceiling that doesn’t need to be there and doesn’t serve us at all.

A Man’s Guide to Healthy Emotional Expression

An excellent male role model, Fred Rogers, regularly reminded us that whatever is mentionable is manageable. With this wisdom in mind, an excellent starting point is for men to get to know their emotions. Here are some steps to consider:

Mindfulness

When we root ourselves in the present moment, we are less distracted by past regrets and fears about the future. Right here and right now, a man can get in touch with the sensations that are shaping his perspective and mood.

Name Your Emotions

Being mindful allows you to understand what you feel. Get yourself a journal and name your emotions without judging them. You can recognize that you feel nervous without viewing this reality as “weak” or something to “crush.”

Heed Your Emotions

At first, this can be a private practice. Identify the presence of a feeling, name it, and then open your mind to start understanding what message it has for you. What is it asking for and what might it inspire you to change about yourself? Paying close attention to what your reactions sound and feel like is a giant step on the path toward emotional wisdom.

Thank Your Emotions

They may not be doing it in the most mature or productive way, but your feelings are trying to help you. They want you to be safe and happy. We evolved with them for a reason and we need to utilize that information for our benefit.  Say thank you, but then help guide them (yourself) on how to attain these goals without dysfunction.

Hone Your Communication Skills

Healthy emotional expression is contingent upon your ability to communicate in a healthy manner. Communication is a skill. Commit to the lifetime journey by starting — right now. It can be much easier to develop new skills under the guidance of an experienced therapist. Let’s connect and talk.